I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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