Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Randomize
