By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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