I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
