Heybabeimwearingurpanties
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
