I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
