His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
