dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
