come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Randomize
