Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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