She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
