I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
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