I'm laying in your front yard are you home
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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