Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I forgot wine drunk hurts
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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