I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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