i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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