i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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