Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
