Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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