Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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