you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT