he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
She made me pour olive oil on her.