Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital