I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH