"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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