can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
