Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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