see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
You pole danced in your parka.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Randomize
