We're like a lot better than the average bears
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
