you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
