I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
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