He told me they were just razor bumps!
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
and you fell through a lawn chair
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