He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
