Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
