At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
