Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
