fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
His hands were made for my vagina.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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