I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
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