Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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