wat bout pragnant strippers??
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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