You're a womanizer and a bitch.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Randomize
