i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
