I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
