This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
it's great music for shaving your balls
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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