I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
