you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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