the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
