I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
