I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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