After last night, I could never be a politician.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
