what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
