jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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