Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
