did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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