No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
