I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
