And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
