You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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