saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
