He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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