1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
