Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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